Sound Advice — wild lilac

I recently came across some advice that really resonated with me. Chances are you’ve already heard it a thousand times like I have, but it wasn’t until this week that I finally decided to really take it. Spoiler: it’s simple and it’s changed me. :)

Yep—that’s all. This quote originates with American writer Raymond Carver who offered this advice to other writers making excuses for their work. Carver urges others to take responsibility for what they do and though I know this sounds simple, it made me reflect on how frequently we make excuses for ourselves. So I took this dose of tough love and challenged myself to not complain (or make excuses) for the duration of this past Friday. Are you laughing yet? I too thought it would be easy, but I was wrong and I realized a couple of things that actually surprised me: I was surprised at how often I felt inclined to complain. I also realized that after having stopped myself from complaining, holding back my complaints allowed me to move past my frustrations more quickly and to be more productive during my day. I also allowed myself to acknowledge my mistakes and simply correct them rather than dwelling on how I was set up for failure from the start. And finally, I realized that my complaints had a direct and negative impact on the people around me including my colleagues, my significant other, and my family, and when I cut it out, I noticed how much easier my interactions with others became. My calmness actually fostered others’ state of calm. In short, I realized that our inclination to complain is no different than other habits like hitting the snooze button in the mornings or snacking on chips and salsa late at night (just me?), and while it feels cathartic in the moment, it doesn’t do us any good in the long run.

How about you? How often do you think you complain or make excuses for yourself? Do you reflect on this and if not, will you try? I challenge you to monitor yourself for a day and see what happens.